Dark nights of the soul

During what was the darkest and hardest season of my life, God took years of theology and doctrine and sifted it like grain on a threshing floor. In a relatively short amount of time, I lost almost all of the theology and doctrine that I had spent a lot time, energy and money studying, and using to self-righteously differentiate myself from others. Consequently, as the dark clouds rolled in and life came crashing down on me like a tsunami, I found that pretty much all of the doctrine that I knew had no value or use in helping me through what I would call my own dark night (year) of the soul.

Perhaps one of the purposes of the darkest season of my life was to remove the chaff of useless Christian scholarship. I would be lying to say that it didn’t feel like it was literally being beaten out of me and blown away by the very breath of God. Yet in a very violent, hard and real process, years of useless doctrine and theology were removed and I was left naked and in a fetal position on the threshing floor desperately holding onto 3 truths that I repeated over, over and over.

They were: God is Sovereign, God is Good and God loves Me.

1. God is Sovereign-meaning God rules over all creation and all creatures. Everything and everyone is under God’s authority. He sees all, knows all, controls all and is present in all people, places and things, and this includes my entire life.

2. God is Good-meaning God is perfectly whole, holy, healthy, wise, true, gentle, kind, patient, loving, understanding, etc. God is good-I shall not be in want.

3. God Loves Me- God loves me perfectly and just as I am and not as I should be. God loves me in this moment with his whole being. God Knows and Accepts Me. I am God’s child. He delights in Me. He sings over me. He has given me the gift of life.

I am not kidding when I say that repeated these 3 truths over and over hundreds of times.

I not only repeated these truths but I also repeated the Lord’s Prayer and Psalm 23. As I meditated on and repeated these two biblical passages again and again, I found the same three truths and so much more.

I believe that when my “theology” was refined into these 3 truths that it created a foundation that has not only helped me to live in the mystery and that includes walking, crawling and lying in any season, even the darkest and scariest seasons, but this foundation has given me the ability to see layer, after layer, after layer after layer of a very Good, Loving and Sovereign God, who moves in and through The Bible, all creation and all creatures.

Thank God, I made it through my dark season but I have found that everything that happened during that hard season was needed and necessary to live in a mystery and in the present moment and trust God with my past and my future. Yes, I do think we have a responsibility to strengthen our faith with works, and one of those works is remembering Truth. Jesus said a lot of stuff about children, light loads, rest, narrow ways and easy ways to recognize the people trying their best to imitate Him, and as far as I can tell none of it requires a degree in theology to understand or do. “Love God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength and love your neighbor as yourself.”

Today, I will leave you with this. I do believe one of the best things we can do is to encourage others with the encouragement we have been encouraged by. This is what this post is all about. This morning I woke up thinking that perhaps, we are walking through a dark season right now, and more than ever we must remember who we are putting our faith in and what we are repeating over and over to ourselves and others.

I can promise that doctrine on the institution of the Lord supper did not get out me of bed when I was really sad and nothing on Fox News or CNN could have EVER helped me to remember where my hope is found.

But… these truths saved me and they are still saving, guiding, protecting, nourishing, inspiring, helping and encouraging me to follow The Way, The Truth and The Life.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: