Praying

Here we are…”The world wants to be deceived; not only is it deceived—ah, then the matter would not be so dangerous!—but it wants to be deceived. Intensely, more intensely, more passionately perhaps than any witness to the truth has fought for the truth, the world fights to be deceived; it most gratefully rewards with applause, money, and prestige anyone who complies with its wish to be deceived. And perhaps the world has never needed to become sober as much as it does today.” Soren Kierkegaard

I believe Søren Kierkegaard was right. Is this not the reality of which my truth, my dreams, my desires and my life now slams against? Does anyone want to hear the truth? Does this world only pay attention to deceivers and want only to be distracted from the truth?

Lord you know me. You see me. I once ran from your gaze but today I seek your face. I have begged for your mercy and help relentlessly. Embarrassed I say this because you know I have been made aware that this begging does not reveal tenacity and stubbornness but my lack of trust in your love for me. What child would ever need to beg mercy from a most loving father? Have your arms not always been my resting place? Was the place not already made broad before you laid me in it? ABBA, you know me better than I know myself. I am helpless and I desperately need you. I am so dizzy with hopelessness that I wonder if these words are just the expressions of my heart and not some morbid way to try and secure your help.

Father, you know me. Have you not emptied me out and filled me up, repeatedly? Have you not shed my scales and covered me in your love so that I can live naked and unashamed in your presence? Have you not brought me this far and created the space in my spirit for your love, have you not filled my heart with care for my neighbor, my enemy, my community, my world and my land?

Are these dreams not questions that only you can answer? Am I not your child that only you can provide? Will you at this time supply my needs? Will my holy poverty be enough to become your resting place? Am I not weak enough to grasp your strength, vulnerable enough to behold your presence, sensitive enough to see beauty, fragile enough to feel your power, transparent enough for your love to pass through, desperate enough to experience your peace and dependent enough on your truth?

Am I not yours and are you not mine? Will you not flow through me to love the world? Will you not speak through me to tell the truth? Can you not use me to encourage and inspire my brothers and sisters?

How long can the finite live while the infinite passes through? Has nature not shown us that divine beauty can be contained or held onto for any length of time? How do I respond to this truth? Will I offer this old wine skin to you? Am I ready to surrender my life, so you can raise me up for the season or for a moment? Has the time come for me to lay down my life so that my sisters and brothers life may be saved?

I surrendered myself to you long ago, now I surrender my dreams that were birthed at an mature age and from the alchemy of my life. So have your way and take these dreams, I don’t know what to do with them. How you will, what you will, and when you will!

Let me know only your provision and your dependence. Don’t let me beg for crumbs any longer when my father is the one who created the universe. Fill me up so that I may be emptied out. Is this not my summer? Is money not needed to renew the land, feed the poor, build homes for the homeless and plant beauty in the midst of a a barren field.

I open my hands to you and ask for help. You know my spirit, you know my heart and you know my mind. My body belongs to you and you know the relationships that I need to live.

Let rejection serve as a reminder this day that I am pursuing the way of truth. Let my loneliness be a witness to my love for your way. Let my distress be answered by you.

All I have I will give away. All that I am given, I will give away. My hands will remain open for all to pass through. My life is your stage. My face seeks your reflection. Without you I am nothing. With you I everything.

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